The Internet is filled with think pieces from the left and think pieces from the right. Every week, I’ll be offering my unique perspective on the issues of our time. Spoiler alert: I’m correct.
I’m sure I don’t heave to tell you about Obama’s recent tyrannical application of power. He’s trying to appoint a new Supreme Court Justice, as though he was the president. I mean, sure, he might have technically won the 2012 election, but we know that was just a mix of a mass delusion, broken voting machines, ghosts, and non-white people.
Thankfully the Senate has already said that they will not even consider any of Obama’s nominees. Would it have been more sensible for them to pretend to give a couple nominees a fair shake, holding long committees, really dragging it out, before eventually finding something they could disingenuously claim was disqualifying?
Of course not! Because that would be an acknowledgement that Obama is the president. Honestly, most Republican members of Congress have already conceded too much just by occasionally referring to Obama as “President.” Here are some ways the Republicans can properly express that they don’t recognize the will of the American voters as legitimate:
- When anyone mentions the “President” in front of Republicans, they should say “whooooo” and shrug in an exaggerated manner.
- Republicans should sneak a fifty dollar bill to whoever controls the music when Obama enters a room so that instead of playing “Hail to the Chief,” they play “Blank Space” by Taylor Swift.
- Sneak random passengers onto Air Force One so it just seems like a regular plane and not one only the president would take.
- Whenever they get a call from the White House, they shouldn’t answer and then just text back “who is this?”
- Demand every hotel in the country rename their Presidential Suite the Not Obama Suite.
- Start a petition on Whitehouse.gov asking why Obama keeps referring to himself as the president when he is not.
- Stop calling Bo Obama the first dog. Start calling him the adorable usurper of the will of the people.
- When France comes to visit, tell them there was a misunderstanding and have Romney greet them instead.
- Find every instance of the Presidential Seal and just cross out the part that says “President.” Or cross out the part that says “United States” and write “nothing” over it.
Hopefully the Republicans will take my advice and then no one will ever get confused into thinking Obama is the president ever again.